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*You sho’ is ugly*

shug says to celie

first, she gathers her close

leaps swiftly into her eyes

– intimate as a kiss –

then, mere centimeters away,

cackles up her venom

callous words sting,

dear speaker,

they claw

lacerate

puncture fragility

and You are responsible

for the scars

*You sho’ is…*

post-coital, we lay on her bed

my vampire lover and me

she, the first to taste all of me, says

“turn over”

naked, i comply

curious aroused patient

as she takes in

all of me

then she whispers

“you have an elephant butt”

her revulsion courses my spine

scorches my ears

& melts my eyes

*You sho’…*

born with a lazy eye, i crawl thru fog

with eye patch over industrious eye

until thick, coke-bottle glasses

rescue and curse me

popping distorted orbs,

they invite plenty to laugh

but no one to kiss me

one day, i ask mama if i am beautiful

curious hopeful eager

as she continued to iron

without meeting my eyes

she, herself a crushed flower, replies

“you’re average”

*You…*

metal in my mouth from 14 to 16

bands and brackets snag food

& rip the soft, wet insides of my lips purple

their flesh throb echoes to my blues

she, a loyal companion the best friend

this bastard baby could have

my companion accompanies me

during forced exercises, weigh-in after weigh-in

& marathon mocking sessions

where dreaded-daddy ogles my ugly

raging disgust at my gelatinous armor

that will soon again bank

rainbowed blood

*…*

i seem to attract bees

who rob me of nectar

and sting

and sting

while lodging barbs

their coarse pricks pierce fragile lens

making me beauty-blind eyeless to the grace

of a sista’s soft earthen curves

& a fat gurl’s blossomed abundance

does a fragrant wildflower live in me as well?

damn darts have parsed mirrors from my sight

lacerating self acceptance to unseeing slits

unable to hold loving likenesses

*

yet

*

shug became grateful to finally love celie

as i became grateful

to finally love me

vampire lover offered amends years ago

self-hate addled with coke spawned her spew

mama-beloved said

she didn’t want me to get a big head

an island gyal, she was raised stoic to survive

‘n daddy-monster? well,

he departed over 25 years ago now

leaving me only my loyal companion

but it’s time i said goodbye to my blues

otherwise she’ll kill me

*

*

~ blkcowrie (with gratitude to Alice Walker)

http://blkcowrie.wordpress.com